I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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