Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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