to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
