he wants to bone in the snuggie
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.