Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.