So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order