I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.