that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
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What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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