dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
