Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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