Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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