I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
