In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
