All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize