I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Everyone says I win the strip club
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
