You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
