When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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