The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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