too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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