The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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