When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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