He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
