I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
