Where is the hickey?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
