Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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