She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
