Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
