So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
