if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How external is "for external use only"?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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