Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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