How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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