Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize