flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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