So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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