As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
