The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize