I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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