Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
