My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize