Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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