I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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