I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
