we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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