Define "chronic" masturbator.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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