where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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