I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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