did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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