Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your cock deserves a montage
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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