The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.