Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving