i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves