I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.