i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
