i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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