Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize