I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
